Month: August 2019

Am I giving up?

On the big idea? The contribution? Am I saying that all I want is my house, financial security, and a boyfriend?

A lifetime of shoulder to boulder, pushing towards a desire to succeed or “be famous” that is a combination of legitimacy and pathology, some historical experience that bastardized itself into a purposefully unattainable “goal.”

Shoulder to boulder, pushing towards an idea of success that isn’t even mine. I wanted the creative not the corporate, yet the corporate kept delivering opportunity and money.

You can succeed at things you don’t want. And experience a deep lack of ownership of that success. Dirty money.

“In the middle of the journey of my life I found myself in the midst of a dark wood where they straight way was lost …”

Germans believed their country was suffering. They were not the world leader they once were and believed it vital that they become again.

A populist figure said, “Germany’s problem is Jews. (And intellectuals, homosexuals, the mentally ill, the developmentally delayed.) We won’t be ‘great again’ until we rid the country of this vermin that is stealing our jobs, raping our women, decaying our values.”

And Germans answered the call.

“The Other” is a bell endlessly ringing across the ages around the world. America is at a tipping point: Many of us are answering the call. Many are not.

In which direction will the greatest nation on earth, the leader of the free world, turn? What is our true north?

Love. As a revolutionary act. 

People I’ve followed and read and listened to for decades have long preached this concept. I believe in it. But practice it privately, among like minded friends. It feels squishy and New Agey in most discussions. (Like committing to being Marianne Williamson in a field of “real” candidates.) I believe in love as the answer so am I ashamed of what I believe? Perhaps not ashamed but embarrassed?

The wounds in our country are wide and deep and open. And weeping. And being capitalized upon by those whose depth of cynicism knows no bottom.

Anger alone is self indulgent and distances me from feeling all the feelings. This TED Talk by Valerie Kaur right-sizes all of it for me. So, now, every day:

“President Trump, I feel the pain caused by living with a shaming alcoholic addict who disrespected you when you were a child.

I feel the loneliness caused by being shown narcissism as a way of life.

I feel the frustration of the limits your life experience has placed on your capacity to love, empathize, and connect.

I pray that you find a way to quiet the demons and ceaseless battles inside you.

President Trump, I see the child dying inside you.

And I love him.”

Not easy. But the rage inside me relaxes with the saying of it. 

Rage is paralyzing. Revolutionary Love is active.

Three lessons of Revolutionary Love in a time of rage – Valerie Kaur, TEDTalk

These shootings are nesting dolls of blame. The “mentally ill” are one of the outermost dolls, a catchall for all that we don’t understand about why people act violently. We want an answer and “mental illness” is an easy one.

The doll at the center of this nest is Hate along with those who promote it, support it, incite it, and excuse it.

“Senseless violence” — these shooters, hyped up on Hate, are acting with a focused sense of purpose and rightness. The last thing their actions are (to them) is “senseless.” When your leader gives you permission and you make a plan and select a target, the very last thing your actions are is “senseless.”

“There is something deeply hypocritical about praying for a problem you are uniwlling to resolve.” – Miroslav Volf

We need to stop focusing on the mental health of mass shooters