Am I giving up?
On the big idea? The contribution? Am I saying that all I want is my house, financial security, and a boyfriend?
A lifetime of shoulder to boulder, pushing towards a desire to succeed or “be famous” 
that is a combination of legitimacy and pathology, some historical experience that bastardized itself into a purposefully unattainable “goal.”
Shoulder to boulder, pushing towards an idea of success that isn’t even mine. I wanted the creative not the corporate, yet the corporate kept delivering opportunity and money.
You can succeed at things you don’t want. And experience a deep lack of ownership of that success. Dirty money.
“In the middle of the journey of my life I found myself in the midst of a dark wood where they straight way was lost …”
The Quiet Fury 